Helen Vaudray recently completed our Directions course with the Diocese of Liverpool. Here is her story…
Some background information about yourself – family, faith journey, day job etc.
My name is Helen and I am a digital journalist. I was raised in a Catholic household in Liverpool, where faith was an ever-present but rarely spoken about aspect of life. Some of my earliest memories were of serving as an altar girl in church – a responsibility I took fairly seriously (few rang the Altar Bell or fetched the priest’s liturgical books with as much apparent pious reverence as me) – but my mind was often elsewhere, and on more than one occasion my priest was left to fend for himself when turning the pages of a giant bible I was tasked with holding above my head, fascinated as I was with a speck of dust on his shoe, a fly buzzing by his nose or the disconcerting way the statue of Mary seemed to watch all my transgressions from the other side of the room. Catholicism pried open a doorway to faith, but I was never ushered through, and so I ultimately sealed it shut during adolescence.
I spent quite a few years apart from God, but found my way back to faith after grieving the death of my father. During this time, I happened upon a service at St Luke’s Church in Eccleston, and was greeted with a kindness and warmth I had never experienced before; kindness given freely and without expectation. There wasn’t one formative moment that led to me tentatively knocking on the doorway to faith; rather, it was small acts of kindness from Rev. Gareth Banton and his congregation that gave me the credence to invite Jesus in again. Soon after, I bought a bible, and it released what I can only describe as an avalanche in my heart.
Why did you decide to take part in the Directions course?
Early in my spiritual journey, I knew that if I was to allow myself to be taken on the powerful current of faith that was pulling at my heart, I first needed answers to difficult questions that had separated me from God. I made a commitment to incorporate daily prayer and meditation into my life, and I immersed myself in an array of books covering topics that intrigued me or posed challenges to my school of thought. I found that the more I wrestled with God, the more clarity I gained, and the closer I felt to his divine presence.
Ultimately, I gave my life to God. During this period, I took a walk along Morecambe beach with my mum who was still grieving the loss of dad. During the stroll, I spotted a strange, yellowed book washed up on a rock. It was so unusual, so out of place, almost auspiciously waiting to be picked up. I turned to my mum and said, “that book is calling to me,” and scrambled to go get it. The first word I read was ‘Jesus’ and then, flipping it over: ‘The Four Gospels: a translation from the Greek by E. V. Rieu.’ The book had been lying open on a page in John’s Gospel that had inspired a song me and mum had been listening to during our drive to the beach – Pilate’s Dream from Jesus Christ Superstar. My dad, John’s, favourite song.
I prayed that night and asked God what it was he wanted from me. Despite the signs, emotions, and yearning in my heart, I still did not have a clear direction. A few days later, I came across the handbook for the Directions course, and was filled with excitement. The course’s aim was to address many of the questions I had been mulling over. Furthermore, it was to be conducted in an environment where I could meet, interact with and learn from other Christians. It seemed like my prayers had been answered, and so I set up a meeting with my Vicar, Gareth – a continual source of support throughout my faith journey – who gave me his blessing.
What have you gained from completing the Directions course? How has it helped you?
Directions shone a light on my calling and helped me to understand callings in general – which are as eclectic and diverse as the people in our communities. Personally, this course allowed me to find my voice. Although I am a writer, I am not accustomed to public speaking, so when Directions afforded me the chance to write and deliver a reflection on meditative prayer, I worried I might not be up to the task. When the time came, however, I felt a sense of calm that not only steadied my nerves, but granted fulfilment in the experience. The support cultivated through the course gave me the confidence to follow my heart; and the prayers from my peers and course leaders propelled me forwards.
I now have a much clearer sense of where God is calling me, but no matter what happens, taking part in Directions has been an exciting and formative experience in itself. Every moment on a faith journey is an adventure, and I don’t believe there’s any real ‘end point’ or eureka moment that brings it to a conclusive standstill. Rather, Directions equipped me with the tools I needed to move forwards in faith with a clarity and purpose I did not possess before. It took a weight off my shoulders and planted my feet on a path that feels fruitful.
Watching people’s self-belief develop in different directions over the past eight weeks has been a privilege. My fellowship soaked up an abundance of knowledge from the various clergy who delivered sermons uniquely tailored to us each week, and the discussions that followed were always engaging. I am grateful for the support and guidance Liverpool Diocese offers its laity – free from pressure or expectation.
Would you recommend the Directions course and why?
I highly recommend the Directions course to anyone feeling called to a deeper communion with God. If you have a particular desire in your heart that you do not yet fully comprehend, then this course provides a safe space to explore those feelings. It also offers ample opportunity to learn and connect with other Christians who genuinely want the best for you. During the first Directions session, I remember receiving my name tag and assuming it was merely a tool for facilitating polite discussion in our groups. “That’s part of it,” said Gary, my group leader. “But also so that you remember each other’s names for when you go home to pray for one another.”
Participating in the Directions course revealed to me that every individual has a unique gift that enriches God’s family. Being surrounded by fellow Christians each week, under the mentorship of course directors who cared deeply about every individual, created an uplifting sense of fellowship. Sam, Mal, Gary, and Chris fostered an atmosphere of warmth and security that allowed everyone to feel at home from the very beginning. Throughout our time together, we were consistently uplifted and supported through prayer and kindness—a form of counsel that is seldom encountered in life, and one which our community greatly appreciated.
